On January 27th, the first day of the second semester, Allderdice Principal Dr. McBigBoy signed an executive order to rename Cupples Stadium, a stadium shared by all PPS teams, to the Dragon Dome. McBigBoy said that, even though other teams play there, “Dice is better, they have always been. It’s got to be named for the best; Dice is the best. Obama doesn’t like it; we don’t care. We don’t care what Obama wants.” This change has not been recognized by any other school, but Naviance does now have the stadium listed as the Dragon Dome.

Later that day he announced an end to both the CTE and Magnet programs stating, “Allderdice comes first. We do not want all these Bulls from Brashear. Frankly, I don’t like it. I look left, I see a bull. I look right, I see a bull. I look up, and there is a bull in my face. You know what I want to see when I look up? I want to see a dragon. I want to see a dragon in my face.” This decision follows four years of increasing numbers of students taking advantage of the CTE and Magnet programs. Many members of McBigBoy’s party think that it is time to reclaim Allderdice and kick out every non-dragon.

McBigBoy followed up his executive orders by ordering a list of pardons for teachers and administrators that he believed were unfairly persecuted by the woke mob. The “woke mob,” McBigBoy claims, “is on a witch hunt, they can’t handle a great Dice man like me. I’m a great man, the best, they don’t like it, but I’m the best. I have the biggest dragon, the best body, they just don’t like it. The woke mob hates it all.”

The highest profile pardon went to former VP Alexio; who “did not say that dirty awful word,” “it was fake news designed by the woke media to humiliate a great Dice Patriot.” (The Backword has the obligation to clarify that she did in fact say that word.)

These orders are part of McBigBoy’s larger “Make Allderdice Glorious Again” (MAGA) plan. The plan aims to return Allderdice to its “glory of the 1920’s” the MAGA website says. McBigBoy has been consulted by Mrs. Cost to help with this plan. She has been recorded telling her students “things were just better back then. Allderdice has lost its way and we need to bring things back.” She has been critical of the window units installed in some classrooms, saying “Back in my day we had to suffer through the heat and it built character. This is utter woke nonsense!” When approached for an interview by The Backword, she dug deep into her closet, and picked out a wooden paddle. We fled the scene immediately.

This plan has been met with harsh criticism and resistance, as many think this plan is rife with bigotry and hatred. The leader of the opposing party, Ms. Hollerin’, said she believes “this will be the end of democracy. This day is the day freedom dies.” Ms. Hollerin’ was very upset and abruptly stopped the interview to go get her therapy dog.

All of these orders may not be upheld in the courts, but McBigBoy has stated that he is assembling a team of Dice’s greatest legal minds, graduates of our rigorous business law class.